Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Human Factor. I'm Kimberly diamond and today we're talking about real challenges and real wins behind building strong teams. You're watching now Media Television.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: Welcome to the Human Vector. I'm Kim diamond and in today's conversation we're going to discuss how confidence, reaction and authenticity shape leadership. I'm joined by Jasmine Davis. Jasmine is the founder and CEO of Free Talk llc. She's a full time entrepreneur and a public speaker. She empowers young women, young people, not just young people, especially young women though, through brave conversations centered on character and leadership development.
Have you ever spoken up in a meeting and felt invisible? Well, in this segment, that's what we're going to unpack. Why capable leaders sometimes struggle to be heard and why confidence gaps quietly undermined it. Full so I'm excited to speak to you today, Jasmine, about this topic. So I'd like to know what you've experienced that you know about why leaders tend to, highly capable, tend to struggle when they come into a room and be able to leave the room, command the room.
[00:01:11] Speaker C: Yes. Thank you, Kim, so much for being here today. And I just would say, I think a lot of leaders struggle because there's a sense of wanting validation from their superiors, you know, that they're doing the right thing, but they don't necessarily trust within themselves or have the confidence within themselves that they can actually achieve what it is that they've been assigned and tasked to do. So I think as people continue to work on that element of their leadership development, that they'll see more confidence in themselves.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: Right, right. And I think it's also just doing it.
Yeah, you have that initial setting and more you are, put yourself into the position.
But what, of course it is. Of course, you know, you want to sound professional, you want to sound intelligent.
Right. That's just the nature.
Well, there is a difference too between confidence and self trust. Trust. And so how can you share with the audience what you feel, where that difference lies?
[00:02:21] Speaker C: Yeah. So self trust is just that inner grit, like, I know I can do this, I know I can make this happen. I can navigate any challenge, obstacle that might be thrown at me. Whereas your self confidence is really understanding that you are capable to do a specific task. So I always like to say play your strength, know what you do well. And if someone else can do something else better, just let them play their strength. Because when we all play our strength, you know, and I'm a musical person, so you say you play your instrument well, let them play theirs. It ends up sounding pretty cool. If you stay on note, you know, so just play your strength.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: True. And you, you know, and also trusting that you know, you can gain more confidence from those individuals themselves as well.
Yes. Yourself with them. If there is something that you feel that you. You completely confident in skill set, you know, there's always to brush up on that and learn from them, have those conversations.
I agree. I believe.
Well, I know that when you're in a room, you're. You're trying to gather your thoughts. You're trying to make sure that you can communicating with the proper tones and the proper cadence. How does that hesitation in tone or posture or language affect how people respond to you? What's your thoughts on that?
[00:03:50] Speaker C: Yeah, so I think if you show up and you're timid or you're avoidant in how you are approaching a situation, it's kind of going to be almost like a mirror. People will feel like, do they know what they're doing? Are they going to get us to our desired goal? And so sometimes it's like, even if you're like, I'm not, not sure, be very open about that. That's one thing I've always done and I just use that as a common practice. Hey, if I don't know how to get there, we'll figure out how to get there together or we'll get the people who can help us get the information we need to accomplish a given task assignment that we've been given. So I always just say, don't let the hesitation make you lose trust from people who are looking to you to help them move forward in a given area.
[00:04:39] Speaker B: And so would you prompt them to just maybe make sure that they do some research or maybe go the extra mile on something just to really gain their confidence and then practice that communication before stepping into the room?
[00:04:57] Speaker C: Yes, always prepare. Don't ever go in cold. Even if it's something you know, you are extremely adept in and you feel confident about it, still take your notes. Take the time to, you know, make sure that you have a clear thought about whatever it is that you're being asked to do or to speak on.
I have to share this cause I'm such a family girl. My niece was preparing for a presentation at school. And as I was watching her prepare on good old facetime, I heard her in the background when she stepped away, rehearsing all of her note cards that she had just written. And I mean, she was doing it so confidently. If you know her, she's so quiet. She kind of stays out the way. But it Made me smile because I'm like, she's preparing herself to speak well in front of her classmates and her teacher. And she was building pride and confidence in herself. And I'm like, that's it. That's exactly what we all should be doing. So that's the great life example of be prepared, don't go in cold.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Exactly.
However, young people tend to be a lot less fearless.
[00:06:07] Speaker C: That is very true.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: They haven't had those sticky moments yet, right?
[00:06:12] Speaker C: Yep. But you know what? Doing that and seeing that, it helps to build you for those sticky moments. Because when sticky moments can't, you know, you don't want to freeze, you don't want to, you know, run, especially if it's a great opportunity. Right. Just take a second and I know we'll, you know, get into that, but take a second and allow yourself to regroup and then start over if you need to, you know.
[00:06:34] Speaker B: So, yeah, well, you know. So do you have particular in your business with Pretty Talk and helping these young people, do you have, like, I would say, like a workshop, or do you put together something to help them walk through some of these steps?
[00:06:54] Speaker C: Yes. So in the Pretty Talk curriculum that I offer to students, we actually have a module that is completely focused on self confidence and self esteem. And we're trying to build up in young people who, many of the times in the areas I work in, that is not a topic that they are often encouraged to build up because life may not have handed them the best deal. Things could be a little rough. But for me, I say, no matter what, no matter where you come from, no matter who you are, what your family circumstance looks like, you can take pride in the things that make you who you are. Right. And so I always tell the young people, and I start by saying, you know, what is it in yourself? Right. That you love that you like? Right. We start there because if you don't know yourself, it's kind of hard to figure out, you know, well, what can I offer other people? Right. Not just what they want, but what is something I'm really good at that I can do that will make an impact for them. And so building that up in the young people first and helping them get there and see their strengths, it's one of the greatest joys of what I do.
[00:08:06] Speaker B: And that's wonderful in leading them to be a leader or take positions, depending on what their choices are in life. But leadership is not an easy thing, you know, especially if you're, you know, looking to get into a leadership role within an organization. There's lots of responsibility. There's lots of things that go with that. And stepping into those roles, having that background from, you know, your teachings and north, you said support absolutely. Will elevate them much quicker than if they have had that kind of structure.
Well, what kind of practical shifts can leaders make to immediately strengthen their presence?
[00:08:43] Speaker C: Yeah. So the one thing I would say that could immediately help you is not to be afraid, to start over.
Not to be afraid. Hey, I fumbled. You know what? That's okay. Let me take a second. Let me gather my thoughts and let me come back to the table. I think so many times, perfectionism, right? It stops us. And I'm thinking of a dear boss of mine, actually, when I was still in corporate America, and he would look at me all the time and say, jasmine, perfection is the enemy of good. And I was like, you're right.
Because I like to do things well. And so sometimes I could get in my head and feel like, man, like, what can I do better and not realize that I actually did it. Most people don't even do the thing that they're looking to do. Right. Because they get stuck at that perfection. Right. But if you just say, you know what? I did make a mistake. I did fumble. That's okay. Let me just step back and start over. So that's the first thing I would say. Take the pressure off yourself.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: True. Take the pressure off yourself. Which is not easy.
And it comes from many different experiences in life that, that sometimes it's harder to get, get past that others. Right. Just so everybody has walked a different line. So if I think this is wonderful, I, I, I'm really excited for what you're doing. I think it's, it's a wonderful thing. I think that young people really do need some of these stepping stones initially. Right. That you can offer them and they can apply as they go forward because, you know, those that don't aren't fortunate enough to have that guidance from wherever they're at. This is a wonderful, wonderful opportunity. So I, Kudos to you on that. I think it's great. I think. Oh, thank you. Yes, yes. Well, we're going to keep talking, but we're going to take a break. So thank you for talking with us about this one. But we're gonna, we're gonna talk about a different topic when we come back. We're gonna talk about how emotions override intention and, you know, how that affects their individual's work, life, balance, family. So stay with us. We'll be right back.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the Human Factor on NOW Media Television Foreign.
And we're back. I'm Kimberly diamond and you're watching the Human Factor on NOW Media Television. Let's dive back into today's conversation.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: Welcome back to THE Human factor. Want more of what you're watching? Stay connected to THE Human Factor and every NOW Media tv, live or on demand, anytime you want, download the free Namlia TV app on your Roku or iOS and unlock non stop bilingual programming in English and Spanish. If you're on the move, you can also catch podcast version right on our website at www.nowmedia.tv.
i'm back with Jasmine Davis. And in this segment we're going to talk through the emotional pressures at work. We've all had those moments where we reacted when we wish we had.
So welcome back. Jasmine, thanks so much for joining us again. Looking forward to continuing our partnership conversation.
[00:12:12] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: You're welcome. So why do you think certain workplace situations trigger such emotional reactions?
[00:12:22] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, I think one, people take pride in what they do. People are proud of their education and their expertise, right. What they bring to the table, the time that they had spent doing a certain thing. So whenever someone feels undervalued, Right. Or that they're undermined in what they do, it is understandable that as a human being they're going to feel sensitive about what it is that is being said to them that doesn't align with how they think that they are presenting themselves. And I think we have to give room and space for people to feel how they feel.
And so it's interesting because I know many a times in working in my initial corporate America job with young adults, I had so many occasions where people would impose their own thoughts and ideas about my connection with young people and just that young people felt comfortable to be who they were, especially young people that had trouble. I worked with young people in the juvenile justice system and you want to make this experience for them as comfortable as possible, not because you don't want to hold them accountable, but because they're already in a tough situation. And so it was always my goal to make them feel like, you know what, she cool. I can be myself with her, I can talk to her, I can ask her questions. And I really developed that. And I remember specifically that was actually being questioned by someone that ultimately it came out that they were covering other situations up. But I know right in that moment I was not happy because I take pride in serving young people right Right.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: So it's. Yes, it can be offensive, and then you become defensive, right? Absolutely. And then sometimes it's. You do your best to stay composed and choose your words wisely. But sometimes it can be, you know, hopefully it's not words, just maybe a facial expression.
Not so happy.
But I'm sure there are times when we do say things in which we could take those things back. But we are.
Affect us. Well, what do you think is happening neurologically when we lose control in those tense moments?
[00:14:55] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. So the brain is a big thing in juvenile justice work. Right. And so let me plug that in, because that's where this journey really developed for me. I always knew that I wanted to work with young people, and so I started in juvenile justice system. And we're always studying the brains of young people. Why are they making these decisions? What is going on with them? Because most young people feel like Superman or Superwoman, like, I can do anything. I'm invincible. I will have no consequences. Nothing's gonna happen to me, you know, and we will always be like, that is true. You know, and so it would be interesting to sit in some of these classes and hear people talking. And one of the biggest things that we discussed in those was that most of the time when young people were getting upset and angry because that was something we saw often with the young people we worked with. Was that their rationale? Right. Their prefrontal cortex. Right. It was being overridden by emotion. Right. Overrun. So I'm just feeling what I feel, and I'm gonna react because that's just how I'm feeling. And our job was to remind them that you have to literally take a second and remind your brain to calm down and not to get into a fight mode or an impulsive mode, or to try to hurry up and make a decision just because of what you're feeling, but to acknowledge the feelings but take time to process. So really that's what's happening when we lose control. Our rationale is out the door.
We're not thinking.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: And we don't realize that this is not, you know, it's not just the external influences. It's the internal mechanisms of our brain and our body.
[00:16:52] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: So in and in young people, right, they're still going through it experiences and having situations where those situations provide examples of where maybe they should have done or said something differently. Right. So they are still developing that, you know, us as adults, we've been there, we've. We've reacted or.
And done something, you know, out of. Out of that intense emotion and learned something. Yes, some of them are still. We're still learning.
[00:17:22] Speaker C: Yeah. And in, in leadership development, because we're working with young people in pretty talk, but also to develop them not just as leaders, but the. That serve them as well. And one of the things that I always try to remind people is you were a young person, so show the young people your experience.
What did you do sometimes that got you in a sticky situation or that, you know, got you in trouble at school or at home or even in the community? Because sometimes, you know, we see a lot of young people that are making poor choices within community, and people just aren't talking about sharing, you know, the valuable lessons that they've learned in their own experience. And so it's really, really important that we are not afraid to share with them so that they can, number one, have trust in the leaders that are guiding them, but also so that they can take those lessons, those nuggets, and literally apply them and while they're young, because they got a little more time to figure it out.
[00:18:29] Speaker B: Exactly. And that's true. And I think that's what's wonderful about this. But that's great that you're coaching the, the leaders that are working with these individuals or individuals are working for them. They, you know, to understand that they are still going through some of these processes. You know, we've had, we've had our valuable lessons, you know, and so we can impart on them those experiences, knowledge. Well, how can some of the leaders, as we're discussing the leaders that are, that are working with these, these young adults, how can they create space between trigger and response or train them, individuals to create the space between the trigger and the actual response to those trigger?
[00:19:10] Speaker C: Yes, absolutely.
Be quiet.
And I know sometimes people are looking like, be quiet. It's like, yes, practice shutting your mouth, not saying anything, then breathe. Right. And it is scientifically proven that when you are quiet and you breathe, that's why we have meditation, that's why we have yoga. That's why we have all these forms of relaxation. Right. They help our brains to calm down and to realize that we want to be present and be able to acknowledge what's really going on so that we can actively make a decision that is actually going to speak to what our issue is and not just our emotion. And I will also say, make sure you remember how you want to be spoken to, how you want to be heard. Right. Because I think as leaders, when we can be more empathetic to the people that we serve and when we can realize, like, hey, I don't want them yelling at me, I don't want them fussing at me. I don't want them undermining what I'm bringing to the table. And I also don't want to feel like I'm not being heard and that my suggestions, my input is not valued.
So I think it's just important to remember how you would want to be received and then also respond with intention.
And I say that because your response may not be immediate in high pressure situations, you may have to tell someone.
I'm going to step back, I'm going to take a break.
I can't talk about this right now. I might need a couple days.
But know that I'm going to come back and I'm going to speak to this. I'll give you a great example. Another great boss that I had in my time in juvenile justice and we had a mother who, I don't know what happened, how she was triggered, why she was triggered, but my boss got a really nasty email from the mother about me and she read it and she brought me into her office and she said, I'm having a hard time understanding where this is coming from because it just was not my reputation at all. And so, you know, the boss, she said, take a second, you know, because I was highly upset, I did not like what was happening. And it was happening around the same time that I was having a disagreement with a fellow coworker.
And so my boss looks at me and she goes, go do your puzzle.
And so in the juvenile justice work, we actually, they started creating space for us to go do some self care things, the office, because, you know, we were dealing with some heavy things. Young people going to jail, being shot, sometimes losing their lives, all of those things. Like it was hard, it was hard work emotionally. And so she knew that I had been working on this puzzle. And so when she told me all of this stuff and she told me to go do it, I still practice doing puzzles to this day because of that. It just helps me calm, it helps me relax, you know, and just realize, is there something I could do better? You know, when you take a minute to pause, to actually speak and respond with intention, you can consider not just what happened, but how you could also respond differently. And so I think that speaks to that question of just how do we make sure that we're present and that we are not responding out of emotion in those high pressure moments.
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Right? And it is that stepping away, it's easier said than done, but it's a great practice if you can get into it.
[00:22:56] Speaker C: You gotta practice, gotta practice.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: Well, thank you so much for another wonderful, insightful segment. I want to be sure we give the audience the opportunity to find, you know, to learn where they can find more information about you and what you do in your services. So can you share that with them?
[00:23:12] Speaker C: Yes, absolutely. So my website is www.prettytalkllc.com and so you will actually get to see different photos and information about what I do with young people and how I'm trying to make sure that we're developing the next generation of leaders. And so it's really exciting to see their growth and their development.
I served with all the way from elementary to community centers. So it's really, really exciting to serve young people in this way. And then also you can really get it if you're younger or you're a little more attuned to social media, hit Facebook, hit Instagra, because we are also there and we love to get feedback and see you, you know, talk to us in those comments. So please do.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: Great. Wonderful, wonderful. Well, we're not done yet so we're going to come back. When we come back, we're going to talk about why perfection may be the very thing eroding leadership credibility. So stay with us.
[00:24:17] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the Human Factor on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Kimberly diamond and you're watching the Human Factor on NOW Media Television. Let's dive back into today's conversation.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: Welcome back. I'm here with Jasmine and continuing our great conversation. This one we are going to talk about the pressure to perform.
Too many of us try to do that and it's not always provides the best results. So I wanted to chat with Jasmine about her experience and how she works with, you know, the concept of being perfect but how exhausting it can be if that's what you're trying to be.
So Jasmine, through your experience, you know, why do you think leaders feel so pressured to appear flawless?
[00:25:18] Speaker C: Yeah, Well, I think number one is this concept of respect in the workplace and in what we do. Right. You want to be respected as a expert in your field. I don't know anyone who goes into their job and is like, just look at me as somebody that doesn't know what they're doing and doesn't have a clue about anything. You know, nobody you want to come in and know. Like they are taking into consideration the things I have to Say, because they're valuable. And so I think that is one thing that causes people to get stuck in their head is that desire to be respected. I also think that competence, like wanting to have the capability to do a thing right, it is so powerful that I think once you get a little bit of it under your belt and you're like, okay, yeah, I can do this. Sometimes times you forget that you have to continue to do that so that you can develop even more and more in your competency. It's not just doing it one time. You know, you said it earlier in our. In the show, you know, you got to keep practicing. You got to make sure that you practice walking away. You got to make sure that you rehearse things over and over again. Like my niece in her. In her presentation, you know, you have to do it because as you do that, your competency will develop. And when it's not developed, that is where you start to see the cracks in your capability.
So again, that pressure is there because you're not quite sure. And then I think a very real thing is longevity.
And what do some people say in the college of tenure? I want to stick around for a minute, especially if I love what I'm doing. So I want to appear and I want to show up as though, hey, I got this, and y' all can trust me. And you don't have to worry. I'm not going to drop the ball. You know, I'm not going to leave. Leave my co workers hanging. I'm not going to let a big assignment or project go undone. Right. So I think it's just really important to remember that a lot of times that could be going on in people's minds when they're trying to put their best foot forward. And as leaders, we just have to remind them that they, or maybe even create the safe space. Because I say that in pretty talk all the time. Right. We're creating brave spaces so that you can mess up, you can make a mistake and not be on the chopping block the first chance you get. I know a lot of people in different areas of work, they do feel that pressure. Like, if I make one mistake, I'm out of here. And so you find a lot of things, interesting things that could happen because people are really trying not to look like they made a mistake or that they're incapable. And we don't want that.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: No, there are things that are going to happen. Absolutely. I mean, I've felt it. I've also spent time in corporate America. And you did feel like like if you didn't do everything and not necessarily perfect, but to whatever expectation.
[00:28:27] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:28:29] Speaker B: Right.
That if there was something that was not exactly. You felt like you're right. Like your job was in jeopardy, you know. Yeah. That's a lot of pressure. And you shouldn't. You should be able to have those safe conversations.
[00:28:41] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: Leaders where you might feel or talk about why you missed the mark or whatever. You know, whatever the. The situation is, it should be a safe place to go and have the conversation about. No blame. Just. Let's talk about it. You know, you. You actually know. Take accountability. If you did something, you talk through it without that fear of, oh, now they're talking about getting rid of me, you know, and that's.
[00:29:10] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:29:10] Speaker B: You know, that's the danger there.
[00:29:12] Speaker C: Yeah, that's danger. Especially in this day and age, this economy, how we're living. People are on edge. Right. About being able to provide and take care of their families.
And so we want to make sure that when they come to work that we're not adding even more pressure. We want them to perform.
And people perform well when they feel like they're in an environment that does value and embrace them and to your point, holds them accountable.
And I wanted to lift that up because I say brave spaces in pretty talk, because it speaks to exactly what you said. I can own when I've done something wrong, but I know that I can do this. I'm able to do this. Versus being safe is like, we don't talk about it. We sugarcoat it. We don't say. And it's like, nope, can't do that, because then you won't grow. Right. Then you won't develop. And so it's finding that sweet spot, knowing what's my thing that I can do that I can continue grow in and know that, you know, I'm never arriving there. I want to be a continuous learner.
[00:30:21] Speaker B: Exactly. Exactly. Well, how do you think that when people start looking at the perfection side of things. Okay, how does. How do you think it creates?
And I've seen people like this who want to be perfectionist, so. Can create distance rather than respect.
[00:30:39] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. You feel untouchable.
You know, it's like you're a porcelain doll. You know, we all have been to grandma's house when you knew, you better not touch that. Don't touch that doll, because that is a prized possession. Right. It's like nothing can happen to that. Nothing can go wrong when you're in that space. Or like, in my community, everybody knows you don't go into the family room, in the living room. That is for sure. Right? That's just for people to know that, hey, we know how to set up a good space. Right. If you want to go and have fun, you go into the living room and good old times.
Or the basement. Exactly. You know, so it's like, I think that many times people just can't connect with you. There's no connectivity. Right. Because then you got to think about it too. You're not communicating with a person. When you feel like you have reached, it's like, oh, yeah, I did that already, you know, so then how can you sew into them and help them to get there? How can you show them that, hey, these are the things you can work on to get to where I've gotten? You know, it's being, being able to connect with people in workspaces, especially in the workspaces that I'm in, because it is so community driven. Right. And then I think it also speaks to what we talked about earlier, about being able to make mistakes. Right. And I think when someone knows they can make mistakes, they also realize there's space for me to grow in this position. Right. And a lot of people talk about attrition. Leaders want to know, why do people keep leaving? Why do people keep turning over? Well, because they feel like they can't reach your expectation or you keep moving, moving the line. Right. Of achievement. And so it's like, you can't do that. You gotta find that sweet spot so that people, you know, desire to stay and continue to grow and build and develop with you.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Agreed, agreed. And then there's this point where, you know, there's a difference between excellence and over polishing.
So, you know, and I, I, so I would love to hear your, your, you know, your perception of this and how you coach, coach into this space because it's interesting because I understand what you're saying here.
[00:32:57] Speaker C: Yeah.
Excellence versus over polishing.
I used to be a over polisher. I am a reformed over polisher, Right. I no longer do that because I'm like, hey, just relax, right? If I'm loving what I'm doing, if I'm enjoying what I'm doing, if I'm serving, you know, a group of people, I know I'm called to this thing, right? Then I don't have to put pressure on myself to get it right immediately. Because I'm going to be here for a while. I'm going to be doing this thing for a while. And so once I realized that, as I Said a reformed over polisher. I recognize, hey, I'm going to have another opportunity to come back and refine this process. Refine, you know, how I've done something.
And that really, really helped me to realize my focus should be on bringing my best foot forward or putting my best foot forward, bringing my best job to this moment. Right. So if the best thing that I can do is to be present and to show up, to make sure I'm prepared to have my notes to notes not just written, but I'm also. I love music. It is another part of my life. If I know that I can come and I can prepar to the best of my ability before I get with my group, then all we have to do is clean up, polish up, touch up the things that I may not have been able to get on my own. Because again, let's go back to. I think it was segment one where it was, hey, I may not have this part by myself, but if you have this part and I have this part and we play it together, we work that thing together, we really are going to. To provide something that really gives a great display of excellence. And so I think it's just also remembering that you're not doing this by yourself when you're on a team.
Hopefully you're not now if you are, that's a different conversation. But if you really want to, you know, put something forward that's excellent, lean on everyone that's in your group.
[00:35:04] Speaker B: Right. And like I said, if you get caught up in the over polishing, then and you know, you're getting too much into your head, you've done this, you're doing a great job, you know, you're overthinking it and sometimes then it. It goes in a different direction. Right. So, you know, whether o.
[00:35:19] Speaker C: That's good too, Kim
[00:35:23] Speaker B: alienated other people because of it or it's now morphed into something different because you just over polish it.
[00:35:30] Speaker C: Yeah, I love that because you. I love what you said because you didn't achieve what you set out to achieve. You thought so much about it, you stopped yourself. So much it. Take me back to what I shared with you about my boss when he said the enemy of perfection, of the perfection is the enemy of good. Right, Right. Like you can't even get it done because you've gotten so much in your head. Oh, that was good. I like that. I'm taking that. Yeah.
[00:35:58] Speaker B: Wonderful. That's wonderful. We have learned, we've learned that perfectionism can limit trust and authenticity, you know, and, and we really need to build on authenticity. You need to set yourself up a part with that.
But also, you know, the applications, like we said, you know, do the best that you can do with what you, who you are, Bring in others, you think that, that, you know, like you said with the music, bring in others to make it, to make it excellent. Right?
[00:36:25] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:36:25] Speaker B: So it's, it's opening up those, those doors to people to be able to be authentic and, and learn how to be resilient even though, and that perfection isn't, isn't it?
They are. Well, stay with us. We have a final segment and in that segment we're going to talk about the foundation of self lust. So stay with us. We'll be right back.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more stories, insights and real world strategies for leading with purpose.
This is the Human Factor on NOW Media Television.
And we're back. I'm Kimberly Dimon and you're watching the Human Factor on NOW Media Television. Television. Let's dive back into today's conversation.
[00:37:10] Speaker B: Welcome back to the Human Factor. Want more of what you're watching? Stay connected to the Human Factor and every NOW Media TV show on demand. You can download it on the free now media TV and local iOS and unlock non stop bilingual programming in English and Spanish. If you're on the move, you can also catch the podcast. That version can be found on our website at www.nowmedia.
so I'm glad to be back. I'm back with Jasmine Davis and we are going to wrap up our segments today.
I want to explore with Jasmine on self trust and its foundation in leadership. Okay. So I do think that leaders often look outward for validation when actually they should be looking inward.
But again, I'm really looking forward to unlocking this with Jasmine.
So, Jasmine, why do you think that most professional struggle to trust their own voice? And it kind of goes back to commanding the room like we talked about before in segment one. But I'd like to just kind of open this up especially for the leaders.
[00:38:10] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think many leaders, and I dare say quietly struggle with self trust because when you're a leader, you know, you never want to show up as if, man, I don't have it together. I'm not sure I'm not. But I think most of that comes from insecurity within yourself.
Right. And it starts before you ever open the door at your place of employment. It's what's going on at home, what's going on in your personal life, your quiet time. You're in your Mindset, a big thing I work on is mindset work, right? How am I thinking about things? How am I processing things? Because if I'm processing negatively, if I'm thinking negatively, if I'm allowing all these, these negative thoughts to impact the way I'm seeing things, I'm going to start inevitably feeling that within myself. And so then when I'm presented with an opportunity to show up to do something, if I'm triggered, as we talked about earlier, by anything happening in that situation that's touching an area of that insecurity or that's touching something that I don't normally let people know bothers me, right? Then it's going to show up, up and how I'm, you know, presenting myself. And so I think insecurity is a big piece of why it's hard for many leaders to trust themselves.
And then of course, I think that pressure of not to fail, right. Especially if you're, you're a new, in a new position, right. And you want to perform. So I think insecurity is the biggest thing.
[00:39:46] Speaker B: And like you mentioned, those insecurities don't just come from what's happening at the office. You'd be outside at your home, various things are happening to you and you know, you do your best to get through them. But you know, there's, there's ways to, to build up that confidence and, and there's lots of, you know, opportunities to do that. But with self trust, it can, it can also, it can also impact their decision making and influence others, right? Then how many they come in with that lack of sense self trust and maybe they can't make decisions easily or thoroughly, you know, or, and then maybe it's their whole Persona of that, you know, lack of self trust is, is emanating, right. And it's group is picking up on it and it's influencing how others are reacting. Yeah, yeah, do agree that.
[00:40:40] Speaker C: Yeah, I absolutely agree with it. You know, and I think that a lot of times when you're making decisions from a place of insecurity, they're indecisive, right? And people are like, why are we going back and forth what's happening? You know, it's like whiplash in the workplace. You know, it's like you said this, but now I'm over here, you know, and it's just like that is a real thing. And inevitably it makes people uncomfortable, it makes them not feel safe. And leaders, that's where you start having nutrition problems. People do not want to stay in an environment where they are not sure sure what they are going to walk into from one day to the next. Right. They want to know and have some sense of security. So you as a leader, whether you are managing a large group of people or a small group of people, you always want people to know, hey, I do have a directive, I do know where we're going. You know, I may not have all the answers, but this is the overall vision and goal of what we're trying to accomplish. And that really gives people trust in you and then that turns around and makes you trust yourself even more to get the job done thing.
[00:41:51] Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely. I love your, your the whiplash. Been there, seen that before, right.
You actually kind of want to take the leader aside and go, okay, let's get a little.
[00:42:02] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:42:07] Speaker B: Is it me or.
[00:42:09] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:42:10] Speaker B: Okay, Anyway. But I think that what, that what what leaders can do is they need, they can and look to creating habits to help strengthen that internal confidence and authority.
What would you recommend or what have you recommended for leaders to do on a daily basis to help strengthen their confidence and their internal trust?
[00:42:37] Speaker C: Absolutely. So I would say it in two major categories, self care and professional care. Right. So that's self care is, you know, what do you do to show up as a better you?
Do I go on a vacation, which I'm going on soon. I'm so excited, right? Because it is so time for it, right. I've been in go for a while. So it's like what do I do? Do I get a massage? Do I get my hair done, my nails? Right. The girl thinks, do I go play a sport, right. Do I axe throwing? You know, that's something that just came up in my circle recently, right. And it was fun, right. But you're pouring back into yourself so that you can show up, you know, better as you and then also that you are able to continue to learn in your profession. So that's what I mean by professional care. Are you taking trainings? Are you going to different programming that's helping you to become more comfortable, more confident, more competent as we talked about earlier, right. More adept to do your job. And sometimes it's like another training, another da da da, right? But sometimes you can get a nugget that it's like, oh wow, that really, really, you know, helped me. I didn't think about that. You know, you might have to sit through a whole training that may didn't apply to everything you needed. But it's like just go in with an open mind. And so I think building those habits, it helps you to show up better. It helps you to apply lessons learned. And I think that as you do that every day we go back to that word practice. As you do that, it really helps strengthen your confidence from the inside out for sure.
And you know, I think I would also say find a mentor. Mentor. Find somebody you know. And I dare say, even if you are a top executive CEO in a C suite, I don't care, Get a mentor. Get somebody to your point that can challenge you, help you to realize, you know, what can I do better? I did good, but what can I do better? How can I even improve on that?
And again, I think that those things, those habits will help to build your confidence as a leader.
[00:44:43] Speaker B: Leader, yes, I agree. And you're in the self care, I think, with the self care as well. Doing things outside of work that are important to you, that will relax your mind, it will take, it will create some separation, but also give you, who knows, you know, examples of things and how you can come back to work with whatever that experience was and apply it to that situation. You don't know, if you, you just hold up and you just go and you, you don't allow yourself to have those experiences and you just drown in work, then it just becomes so tunnel, so, so siloed and you're not able to stretch. So I think personal activities, like you said, whatever that might be, helps you get a bit of a brain break. You'd be surprised how overdressable.
[00:45:30] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think leaders, you know, if I could, if I could leave leaders with one thing about that I would challenge them to challenge their team to find those things. Because sometimes people, I go so much, especially if you're a parent, and I'm not a parent yet, so I can't speak directly, but I work with a lot of parents. Right. So I just, I like to be very clear about that. You know, I can't say, oh, I know exactly right now, but I have so many parents in my circle that forget to take care of themselves, especially when they are in the workplace. And it shows up not just in how they're working, but then how they're handling their children, how they're doing things in a full circle moment. Moment. We see it in your children, right? We can see when they're stressed out and they're holding your things. You know, you hear children talk all the time. My mommy, my daddy, da, da, da. And it's like they shouldn't even know this, but sometimes they might have to carry things. If a parent themself is not able to say, you know what, let me separate this from this time right now with them. Right. And it's the same way, let me separate this from this workspace. Right. This has nothing to do with work or whatnot. You know, so I think, think leaders, if we challenge people to make sure they're finding time, even if it's as simple as go for a 30 minute walk on your break, you have to build it in, you know, make something.
[00:46:50] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. Go do your puzzle.
[00:46:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
Yes. Go do your puzzle.
I love it.
[00:47:03] Speaker B: Well, this has been wonderful. I've enjoyed our conversation today. Thank you so much for helping us understand.
You know, it's, it's not just about being a leader. It's about being alive. It's about being aligned personally, you know, as well as work. I mean, it's, you know, I know we all get tied up in that because we're trying to provide, you know, to keep the wheels turning and, you know, so it definitely, it definitely is very helpful to have these types of conversations. And I'm sure the audience has appreciated your insight. So I would like you to again share with them where they can, can connect with you and learn more about your services and what you've been doing.
[00:47:39] Speaker C: Yes. Yes. Thank you, Kim, for the opportunity to share. And again, if you want to stay connected to Pretty Talk, Visit us at www.pretty talk llc.com. follow us on social media platforms, especially Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pretty Talk, LLC. You can't miss the big pink sign. It's going to be there and it's going to grab your attention. So please us know if you saw us here on NOW Media and if your organization has young people or leaders that you want to develop, if you want to develop young people into leaders. Right, please let us know. We would love to partner with you.
[00:48:20] Speaker B: Okay, thank you again. And to our viewers, authority does not start in the, in the boardroom, it starts within.
So next time, we look forward to you joining us on the Human College yourself. See you then.
